


Fly Away Home

by PunkArsenic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Child Abuse, Gen, M/M, Trans Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 20:51:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4194468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkArsenic/pseuds/PunkArsenic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CW for f slur and q slur (non-reclaimed and uncensored) and homophobia, transphobia, implied/talk of child abuse.</p>
<p>The summer when Sirius Black ran away.</p>
<p>compliant with and references my other fics involving sirius.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fly Away Home

Summer at number 12 Grimmauld Place came with a suffocation that stretched beyond the heat. Sirius Black, still not of age, struggled to find ways out of the family house without the use of magic; their mother was sure to keep them busy with family events and lessons in things far too dangerous for a Hogwarts education.

   They nursed a stubborn jinx burn as they wandered down the hallway, having been 'excused' from dinner after their insistent and aggravative talk of motorbikes resulted in an argument won by Sirius telling their brother Regulus exactly where he could shove his bloody broomstick - in detail. Sirius snickered as they replayed the scene in their head, scripting how they would relay it to their friends when they had the chance.

   They stopped at the landing, one flight of stairs before their own bedroom, staring at the sloppily half open door. Pinned to it was a piece of parchment with the spidery scrawled inscription

_'Temporary lair of Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange._   
_Enter at your own risk.'_

    Sirius' cousins, Bellatrix and Narcissa Black, had arrived last night - with the surprising addition of Bellatrix's new boyfriend, who had been welcomed surprisingly enthusiastically into the household. This aggravated Sirius, who had been looking forward to not being the only black sheep for once.

    They glanced around furtively, then pushed the door open with a toe, peering inside. Bellatrix Black was very good at making Grimmauld Place feel like home; her room was messier after one day than Sirius had ever seen their own be in 16 years of their life. There were dresses and robes flung across most surfaces, with the sole exception being the bed, which was amazingly neat.

   Sirius looked behind them, listening for movement, then ventured inside. This was exactly the kind of adrenaline inciting misdemeanour their mother had been trying oh so hard to avoid.

     They stopped, halfway to a chest of drawers, for an odd resistance underfoot. They stepped back, picking up the unfamiliar object. They held it up against what little light filtered through the shuttered windows; it was black, and embroidered, symmetrical on both sides and oddly mystifying. Sirius Black had never seen a bra before.

    Well, they had seen pictures of bras, and straps peeking out from school robes, but never a real one. They rushed to the door, staring down the stairs, ears strained desperately. They could hear the clinking of cutlery and smalltalk. Bags of time.

   They shoved the stolen item up their shirt, then ran to their room in the lightest feet they could muster. It felt like a great triumph, to have gained this dainty token - and besides, Bella must have loads of bras, right? She wouldn't miss one.

   Sirius pressed their door closed, regretting deeply the fact that it locked only from the outside, enchantment-proof since their 13th year. They shoved a chest of draws across the door and sat on it, inspecting the scandalous yield. It sparkled slightly, and the embroidery was laced with golden thread - Sirius thought it was odd to have something so ornately decorated go under all your clothes, never to be seen.

   They threw their leather jacket onto their bed and wrestled with the fiddly clasp of the bra. This was just a laugh, a joke, a stick-it to their prick of a cousin.... no it wasn't. But those were the excuses.

   They rolled their shoulders as the elasticated straps made it clear bras were not designed for over-tee-shirt wear. It was also clear they were not designed for the flat chested, and Sirius found the experience significantly uncomfortable. They caught their reflection in the wardrobe mirror and laughed, if somewhat nervously. Moments later they were flinging off the bra and their worn muggle-branded tee, tugging the bra back onto their bare chest.

  It was still a bad fit, dangling loosely across their front. They scratched their nose, peering around. Now would be a very well-advised time to stop. To hide the stolen bra and return for it another time. They closed their eyes, lifting their head to listen - they were sure they could still hear the sounds of a busy dinner table.

   With slightly more urgency now, Sirius shimmied their wardrobe from the wall, and withdrew from behind it a witch’s robe. They held it up, flapping the dust from it. It was a deep burgundy with gold stitching and a moderate neck, a small griffin decorated the left breast.

   They threw it over themself, tying the golden cord around the waist. This was not the first time they had done this, although suffice to say the new appendage caused some difficulties; twisting, snagging, moving itself far out of place. Eventually, Sirius had wrestled the clothing into an acceptable shape, and inspected themself. Ripped jeans gave the game away somewhat.

   They folded their arms underneath their chest and looked and looked, fairly pleased with the results. An accomplished smile spread across their carelessly charming face.

   "Auntie! Somebody's stolen my bra!"

   There was a banging of stairs being run down and Sirius' eyes widened with fear. Their feet felt fused to the floorboards.

   "Your bra?" they could hear their mother's sharp voice from two floors up. They looked themself up and down, then stared around the room, still hugging their front. It was as if a veil had found its way between the part of their brain that told them to panic, and the part that told them how to fix it.

   "Yes! The special one! It was an _anniversary gift!_ " They could practically picture her, shuffling her feet, curling her lip, holding hands with her repulsive boyfriend as she put on a voice that was certainly the sweetest thing about her. This was from him? Sirius found use of their arms again to attempt to fling the black and gold gift as far away from them as possible.

    They struggled desperately to unclasp it from under the dress as they heard the thumps of their mother being led upstairs, "Are you sure you didn't just, um, misplace it?"

   "No!" Bellatrix' voice grew louder and clearer with each thump, "I know exactly where I put it, now it's gone!"

   Sirius cussed and started tugging the dress over their head, which seemed to have become as difficult as though it had a permanent sticking charm.

   "Well," their mother's voice was deliberate and no longer muffled by two ceilings, "We shall soon get to the bottom of this."

   They had finally managed to free their arms from the heavily embroidered sleeves when the sound of knuckles rapping on wood made them freeze. "Regulus. Open the door for your mother."

  Sirius began again with desperate urgency, tripping over the hem of their robes as they listened to the exchange.

   "Yes, mama?"

   "Bellatrix has had a bra stolen. Do you know anything about this?"

   "No mama. You should ask Sirius."

  Something else was said, but it was a mumble drowned out by mountainous panic. Sirius kicked the robes under their bed and pulled their tee over themself desperately as the drawers across the door flew aside and their mother stood with wand in hand.

   Sirius turned a shoulder to them, folding their arms over the bra, "I was just about to get into pyjamas, mother! Knock, at the very least!"

   Bellatrix snickered, "Sirius Black, everyone knows full well you sleep fully dressed in those ruddy muggle shirts, you unruly little boy!" Sirius winced.

   Mrs Black placed a silencing hand on her shoulder, eyes boring into her eldest, "Sirius, what are you hiding?"

  "Hiding?" they spluttered, "I have no idea what you mean! In fact, I'm offended by the very-"

   "Lift up your shirt."

  A sinking feeling consumed Sirius, and they stared at their mother as she seemed to grow further away. They felt an odd compulsion to laugh, "My- My shirt?"

  "Lift it."

  "But- but I- she's there!"

  "Lift your shirt or I shall curse it off your bloody back!" They swallowed, their mouth suddenly dry, and lifted their shirt a tad, "Higher." They pulled it up an inch, "Boy, _higher!"_ Mrs Black flicked her wand and Sirius' shirt was wrenched upwards. Somebody gasped.

   If was as if all the air had left the room at once, and despite the touch of wood underfoot, Sirius felt as though they were drifting away. The silence bore into them.

  "I told you." Regulus had joined them at the door, sadistic satisfaction breaking his deadpan.

   "What exactly did you tell us, Regulus?" Mrs Black's voice was high and taut, placing sharply precise annunciation on each syllable.

   "That everyone knows he's a fag!"

   Sirius threw themself in their brother, consumed with rage. Before they could lay a scratch on him they had been flung against the wall and their head seared.

   Bellatrix summoned the bra with a wand flick and held it primly at arm's length, "This is going to need a most thorough washing."

   "I am so sorry this happened, Bellatrix, if you leave it in the washing basket in the basement I will have it washed as soon as we are done here,"

  "Oh, no, that's alright," she crossed her arms, leaning on the doorframe, "I want to see this happen."

   Mrs Black turned on Bellatrix, "Young lady, you have the privilege of staying in this house on the grounds that you follow its rules. I wish to deal with this family issue in private, so vacate the proximity, if you please!"

   Sirius let out a half hearted snicker as Bellatrix flounced off indignantly. It was quickly struck from their face as Mrs Black began pacing. "Regulus, what is it you know that you have been keeping from your mother?" Regulus' smirk dropped and he stood up straight, spluttering, "Regulus! If you tell me this instant, there will be no punishment for you. Waste my time, and, well..."

   "He's gay! He has a boyfriend at Hogwarts who's some kind of girl-boy and he goes to the gay club there and one time..." Regulus stole glances at Sirius, who was gripping their bedsheets where they sat until their knuckles turned white, sending Regulus a look of pure and unadulterated loathing. "One time, he jinxed my friend Sewyn from across the hall because he called Dumbledore a queer."

   Mrs Black ceased pacing, looking down her nose at Sirius and clasping her hands, "Is this all true?"

   Sirius sat with their mouth open. They had been about to vehemently deny all claims; blame it all on Remus, but had a streak of conscience at last minute.

   "Out with it boy!" Mrs Black hissed.

   "It... It's true. It's all true. Although... it was my- my uh-"

   "boyfriend?" Regulus suggested,

   "Yes. That. My boyfriend..." they smirked up at their mother, "My half-blood half-girl half-gay _full_ boyfriend. He's the one who jinxed that son of a-" a slap knocked the words from their mouth, a slap that stung like hell and threw them onto their back. Sirius stared up into their mother's furious face and fear crashed over them anew.

   "You dare bring such disgrace to this family? You dare!" she screeched, "You, young man, have been disappointment to disappointment from birth!"

   Sirius closed their eyes, letting the drifting feeling consume them and blot out the hateful words... "... the name of the faggot who has led my son astray?" they sat up with a jolt.

  "the- you mean his-"

  "Yes! Give me the name!"

  Sirius pulled at their hair, shaking their head and staring pleadingly at Regulus, willing him to find some kindness in his soul, just a slight. Regulus returned their stare with deliberate disinterest, "Remus Lupin, I believe."

  " _Lupin!"_ she clenched her fist as if she were seizing the boy's hair within it, "That family were always trouble! Regulus," she grabbed his shoulder, "I want you to stay here and do not let this one," she spat the words with contempt, "escape. Clear?" He nodded and she swept from the room, fuelled by rage.

   Sirius stared at their knees, which now appeared miles from them, and watched the hot tears fall. To quell a sob they held their breath, compressing the air inside them and ignoring the pain of it. They shook.

   "Oh now really," Regulus' clipped and sharp voice drifted into their consciousness, "You act as if the world is ending! You know this is all for your own good; that Lupin boy was a-" Sirius' fingers were pressing into his throat before they could think, pushing him down against the door as they wrestled the wand from him.

  They gripped him by the hair, wand shoved into his neck, "You ever put his name in your dirty fucking mouth again..." they hissed, "I swear..." they hesitated, far nastier options than the intended stun filling their mind. The moment's pause was enough for Regulus to overpower them and flee, screaming for mother.

   In one deep breath, Sirius' head was the clearest it had been in months, and in a swooping wand-motion clothes and belongings began cramming themselves into a rucksack while Sirius summoned their bike.

  They shoved open the window and looked back, allowing themself a moment of resentful farewell. As feet thumped along the hall they rushed to charm previously hidden posters of shirtless muggle men over the scantily clad women. One last fuck you.

  They mounted the flying bike as the door flew from its hinges and they smiled into the enraged face while pushing off with one foot. "Sirius, son, see sense..." Mrs Black edged forwards, "It'll be okay... I've written your father, We'll teach you here, ourselves."

   "Oh, mother mother mother..." Sirius shook their head, drifting from reach, "When trying to reason with a degenerate dress-wearing homosexual, best not call them 'son', eh?" with a wink they were gone, leaving nothing but exhaust fume in their wake.

  As they zoomed above the clouds at top speed, a sinking feeling came over Sirius; they had merely a bag of possessions with them, nowhere to go, and presumably they would be cut from the Gringotts account first thing in the morning - and it was getting dark.

   They shivered. Glancing down, they let themself slow down and slung the bag from their back to rummage inside. From within they drew an overlarge leather jacket and juggled with balancing on the bike, putting on the jacket, and not dropping the bag. Sirius sighed.

  It was now clear they had brought no food, nor drink, nor anything of much use; books, vinyl, clothes - it was difficult not to weep for the HMV and many records left behind.

   _'If the old hag does find out, I've got a spare room!'_

   A smile broke through Sirius' drained pallor; there was, in fact, still goodness in the world. They swerved left, away from the sun, towards Godric's Hollow, towards the Potter household.

  "Alright, alright! Keep your starry socks- Sirius!" James grinned at his friend, who was stood in his doorway fiddling with a zipper, "I thought the old hag had you locked up."

   "She did, she did," Sirius glanced around anxiously, keeping a firm grip on Regulus' wand, "But I got out. You need to let me in right now!"

   "Whoa, where are those respectable Black family manners, eh?" he chuckled and stepped aside as Sirius rushed into the house and up the stairs, where he followed, "So what's this all about?"

   "Can you put the cloak over my bike? will it been seen? It's on your patio."

   "Nah, it's fine. Slow down, mate, deep breaths." He grabbed Sirius shoulder as they stopped on the landing, scanning their face, "What happened?"

   They leant against the door, brushing hair out of their eyes, "I fucked up. Majorly."

   "Good, nice and precise, I love how you never leave anything to the imagination," James patted Sirius, who shoved him, laughing despite themself.

   "James, love, who was there?" Both youths swore simultaneously and James bustled Sirius into his room, throwing the cloak over them, "I heard voices, is it Peter again? I do like Peter."

  "Oh, nah mam it was just... just a patronus message. You know how Sirius is; hates owls."

   "Ah, that boy. He gets stranger every year."

  "Haha yeah, he's a proper fruit!" James doubled over from a particularly vicious stamp to his foot, "Okay, okay!" he hissed.

   Sirius sat down, sighing with relief and tugging the cloak off themself, "Well, mischief managed for now, I suppose."

   "Yeah," James sat beside them, draping an arm over his friend, "Now, tell Uncle Jamie all about it."

   Sirius explained how they had been discovered, how Remus' name came into conversation, how they had escaped. They only had to hit James thrice for laughing - a record.

   "And so, yeah, I need a place to stay. And you said-"

   "I know I did, but that was under the circumstance that you got kicked out; if you're on the run, this is the first place your mum'll look. Sirius, our families have been bezzies as long as we have! Even despite your family being a buncha shits!"

   "Blimey... I hadn't thought of that. I supposed your parents would help me too."

  "For an O level student, Padfoot, you are _thick_. My mum sees your mum more than your _dad_ sees your mum! They're like us, only old women!"

   "That... is the strangest way to possibly describe it, Prongs," they stared at him as he floundered for a defence, "The strangest."

   "Anyway! We should, like, call a meeting. You, me, Moony and Wormtail. Between us, we gotta come up with an idea as to what to do with you til September."

   "Shit... September! Mother said she was going to homeschool me, what if she's already written Dumbledore?"

   "That fella's probably gay himself, you'll be fine! C'mon," he grabbed some spare parchment and a quill, drawing up two identical messages, "'s karaoke night at the Leaky Cauldron, mum'll understand me n the boys going out late."

   He sent off his owl with the messages and turned to Sirius, smirking, "You should probably tidy yourself up; you ain't seen your boyfriend in months."

   The journey to the Leaky Cauldron was a difficult one, in which James took flu powder while Sirius took his broom under invisibility cloak; the bike, it seemed, was far too large, loud, and unmistakably Sirius. While waiting in a quiet corner of the pub, they worried over it like an anxious mother, much to James' amusement.

   Remus arrived first, he rushed over to their booth and shoved up next to Sirius, a frown creasing his peaky features - he looked like hell. "What happened? What's the emergency? You okay, Ri?"

   "Oh no. Nope. No pet names around me. You call them Sirius, Padfoot, or Black. No Ri, no ‘Reeree’, no Siri and on no circumstances am I to hear the word snuffles from anyone!"

   "What, too gay for you?" Remus goaded and they both laughed at James, to his indignation.

   "I don't know why you're laughing, Padfoot, he only calls you snuffles because you're a crybaby!"

   "Yeah, why do you think I call him Snaps? nah, it's a laugh." They draped their arm around Remus, who leant in automatically.

   "No! No, we were called here for a reason. What happened?"

    Peter Pettigrew ran up to them, wand brandished, "Emergency?" he panted.

  "Sit down, Wormy, sit down. Sirius, go on."

  Sirius looked up from doting over Remus' unwell complexion, and recounted the story for the second time... "So now, James thinks I can't stay with him, not permanently, because it's predictable, and because his mum'd do me over."

   "Wow. No offence, Prongs, but your mum is a-"

   "Thaaat's enough, Peter, we get it. Yeah. So what do we do?"

   "James, you have an invisibility cloak! Can't you just hide them?" Remus said,

  "No, see, the spare room would look lived in, and-"

  "So they stay in your room!"

  "What- They- But- Gross!"

Both Remus and Sirius fell back in their chairs, groaning. Sirius smiled; Remus' presence did much to quell the icy anxiety festering inside them.

     "He's your boyfriend, can't he stay with you?"

   " _They_ can't do that because their mum's got my name. As much as I'd appreciate it right about now." They squeezed his hand.

   They all looked to Peter, "Oh no no no! I live in a maisonette in Lincolnshire! You think there's room for a runaway gay wizard?"

   "I have no idea what my gayness has to do with this-"

   "But we can guess." Remus finished, scowling at Peter.

   James gave a long, exaggerated sigh, "I have enough money for a few days room here, in that time I can... try with my parents. Try, though, no promises."

   Sirius grinned, banging the table, "Oh, I could kiss you!"

   "Yeah... uh... don't." He exchanged nervous glances with Remus, then laughing let them clap him on the back thankfully.

   "I'll be staying too, then. I'll be the one who appears to go in the room, alone, Padfoot under cloak."

  "I s'pose I'm not getting that thing back for a while..."

  Sirius sat at the head of the bed, staring at their boyfriend at the foot. Their future dangled in the balance; they could be facing a future locked away from all they loved, seeing only their family and whoever they trusted to try to 'cure' their child - or they could be facing freedom. Blissful, pure, unfettered freedom.

   Watching Remus bite his thumb, it felt as though the latter had already been achieved; as if this room would become a sanctuary for the two of them, away from prying, judgmental eyes, for however long they wished.

   "Dumbledore won't let them... lock you up, Ri. I know he won't." Remus' words were muffled by the nail that he didn't stop to release from his mouth, frowning at nothing. Sirius took his bitten hand, rubbing their thumb across the calloused palm.

   "Let's just... not talk about that. For a bit. I haven't seen you in months, Remus, spare occasional visits through the enchanted mirror."

   "Which had to remain fairly stiff, I know," Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius knew they were both recalling James' fake retches and the way he plugged his ears and sang. A silence stretched out that was not awkward or empty, but instead filled with a knowing, and a contentedness. Sirius wished to never break it.

    Remus moved first, shuffling up to the head of the bed, resting his head on Sirius' shoulder, who pulled up his hand to kiss it. "This is sort of how it all started," Remus' voice came out softly, as if dampened by the silence. Sirius looked at him,

   "Eh?"

   "Remember? Under the sycamore. Holding hands. And then I rested my head on your shoulder, and you-"

  "Legged it," Sirius nodded, "Lest I ever forget. I far prefer counting the dance as the start, but if you want to count it there, allow me to make amends..." they started at his crown, Remus paused when they reached the lips, and a rare meeting of eyes occurred.

   "Things really will be okay, with everything, and no matter what happens, you know, I'll always be here. Always. Fuck your mum, fuck the Death Eaters, fuck every single bloody full moon from here to eternity. I'll stick by you, Sirius Black." Sirius stared at him, their breath tickling eachother's noses, Remus smiled, "If you'll have me."

 


End file.
